Half empty, half full, still incomplete.

The other day I realized that everyone makes such a big deal about whether their glass is half empty or half full. It's used all the time to describe boyfriends, marriages, friends. How neat and clean it is to assign your BFF into the half full category, so her never-ending optimism is easily explained. How much simpler is it to write off that boyfriend for always seeing the glass as half empty. 

I started wondering about myself - was I a half empty person or a half full person. Which "half" was I embracing?.

And then I realized that really, I was just "half". It didn't matter if it was the full half or the empty half that I was looking at. I only had half. And the important thing was not how much of it I was worrying about, but what it was that I was worrying about.

Half a dream.

Half a relationship.

Half a life.

I'd been living with half-started projects, half-completed ideas, half-hearted attempts.

So it's time to look things bluntly in the face and decide not whether I'm empty or full, but what am I going to complete. How am I going to finish life. Which glasses can I fill to overflowing because I've lived life so well.

And frankly, which glasses I should just leave unfinished, because they're pissy.

Even my search words are depressing

So to set up my first post I had to enter "labels" - nifty search words that people would use to Google me on the internet.

And my search words are incredibly depressing.

<depression, living with depression, bi-polar, bi polar, by polar manic depression, depressing, manic>

So I apologize in advance for making you depressed just to find my blog. I could have used search words like "sunshine" and "puppies" but that might have deceived people. Can you imagine some poor suburban mom looking for pictures of puppies and ending up here instead? Complete freak out!

Search words can be incredibly complicated, and also really really redundant. You have to think like a searcher and figure out every possible thing they might type that will bring them to your blog. You also have to account for bad punctuation and iffy spelling - hence "bi-polar" and "bi polar" and "by polar" because you never know, someone might be thinking they are "by polar" because they like cold weather and take ice baths in addition to feeling kinda blue followed by really really happy.

As you can probably tell by my glib tone and sarcastic swing tone, I am having a good day. There is a puppy and a baby in the sunshine right outside the window of the Starbucks I'm sitting at while I type this and sip my mocha. People are helping moms with strollers get in and out of the doors, the local guy in his wheelchair is making the rounds of the tables saying "hi" to everyone and making small talk. I feel like I'm in a commercial actually....

The past two weeks I've made a habit of coming to the 'bucks for coffee after dropping my daughter off at school. This is a guarantee that I won't go right home and climb into bed until it's time to pick her up. My husband worries about this so he likes to see me online - the internet is a wonderful thing. I'm terrified of sleeping away my life day by day so fear is driving me to the sit, drink a mocha, and stay in contact with the world.

Fear is a great motivator as it turns out. Maybe I should add "fear" to my search words....